ARLINGTON, VA – In a bold and completely unnecessary move, the U.S. rice industry has officially entered the cryptocurrency market with the launch of Ricky Rice Coin or RIC for short, a digital currency named after its sometimes controversial mascot, Ricky the Rice Grain.
“We wanted to revolutionize both the rice trade and the blockchain space,” said Chuck Grainsworth, the industry’s crypto advisor reached via jailhouse telephone. “Now, instead of buying rice with dollars, you can trade directly in Ricky Rice Coin. Because, you know… people were really asking for that.”
The coin debuted on the market at an ambitious one RIC = one pound of rice, but within minutes, the bottom seemed to drop out. Experts blame its disastrous launch on technical issues, including a "sticky transaction" bug that left some investors unable to sell, as well as a bizarre promotion where customers at participating grocery stores could get free rice—if they mined the coin using an app that drained their phone battery in 15 minutes.
Crypto analysts took to social media to pile on the beleaguered Ricky. “I honestly don’t know what’s happening here,” said ClickyGarbage22, a blockchain blogger. “It’s like they thought Web3 was just the third step in cooking directions.”
Meanwhile, Ricky the Rice Grain, now revived as a glitchy NFT, tweeted: “Buy the dip!” Given the coin is currently worth 0.00002 grains of rice it is probably better to just buy actual rice.